It's 11:07 and I told myself I can not go to bed tonight with out sitting down and putting my thoughts and feelings into writing.
A year ago today I received the call. Johnny and I were so excited. He in Arizona. I here. We had had many-a-call in the previous months that didn't work out for whatever reason - this looked like it was going to work! When I arrived at DHS in Salem, 2 caseworkers walked out into the waiting room holding my two girls. Shy smiled shyly - Hollie didn't really seem to know what was going on. The case worker walked me to the car, helped me load the girls, and told me to drive around back to pick up a box of their stuff.
Two quiet little girls in my back seat. Two girls I knew nothing about. Being ripped for the second time, from the only family they knew. It breaks my heart just typing it. Placed in a car with a perfect stranger.
I drove around back and loaded my car w/ their boxes of belonging. A few clothes, fifty-million sippies, a scattering of toys.
How do you pack a box of toys and give your grandbabies away? I don't know.
As we finished loading, the grandmother walked over. Matter-of-factly she announced that she had their carseats if I wanted them, and 8 more boxes of their belongings. [8!!?!?? We still lived in a tiny 2-bedroom apt. I didn't know where we were going to put the girls... let alone their belongings!]. I said I'd love to have the carseats. She informed me of Hollie's allergies, asthma, etc. Said Shy could throw a humdinger of a fit... and walked away. She walked away. Not a tear. Didn't look back. And she was gone.
Granted I don't know what she did when she was alone... but I think about my babies now.... and you would have to pry them out of my arms... and I'd be kicking and screaming all the way to jail probably - fighting every person who tried to take them from me.
Soon I was on the road. Me and two little helpless babies who's world had just been turned upside down. I think we always seem view the story from our side: Our world was turned upside down. My life was complicated 3-fold. My sleep was compromised. My patience was worn out. Our parenting skills were tested to the limit. But what about them!?
New world. New home. New rules. New bed. New toys (that were really not even theirs). New sibling. New smells. New sounds. New everything. New strategies. New boundaries.
Wouldn't you scream?? I think I might. Especially if I was 1 or 2 years old.
Little little Hollie May. So oblivious in many ways. We're still not sure how these moves have entirely impacted her. Ignorance is bliss, at least for now.
But o, my poor baby, Shy. What she must've gone through inside her head. Her sweet voice that could not express emotions. Her sweet heart that could not verbalize that is was breaking. That it was so very confused by the new world she had been thrust into.
Days turned into weeks and so much of her adjusted. So much. Soon I was Mommy. Soon Johnny was Daddy. Kailee and Robert received the titles of "my new Mommy, my new Daddy" (which I guess meant "old", or "previous"). Shy learned about our love, our Jesus, our protection. She learned about our rules, or boundaries, and that we meant what we said. But somewhere along the way, her emotions dragged their feet. They didn't come along. They didn't adjust quite as well. Her emotions were still reeling from insanely huge life changes.
And I think to some degree, they still are.
But o she has come such a long, long way. Before you are quick to judge her spit-fire temperament, remember. Remember where she came from. And please just love her. Just love my baby girl. There really is so much good in her. So much sweet love that she wants to give. She needs to be loved unconditionally, so that she can grow and blossom into the precious young woman God wants her to be.
My heart's cry, on this one year anniversary, is that people would take a moment, and love my girls. Look past their flaws, temperaments, and short-comings... to the sweet babies that they are... and simply love them.
A year ago today I received the call. Johnny and I were so excited. He in Arizona. I here. We had had many-a-call in the previous months that didn't work out for whatever reason - this looked like it was going to work! When I arrived at DHS in Salem, 2 caseworkers walked out into the waiting room holding my two girls. Shy smiled shyly - Hollie didn't really seem to know what was going on. The case worker walked me to the car, helped me load the girls, and told me to drive around back to pick up a box of their stuff.
Two quiet little girls in my back seat. Two girls I knew nothing about. Being ripped for the second time, from the only family they knew. It breaks my heart just typing it. Placed in a car with a perfect stranger.
I drove around back and loaded my car w/ their boxes of belonging. A few clothes, fifty-million sippies, a scattering of toys.
How do you pack a box of toys and give your grandbabies away? I don't know.
As we finished loading, the grandmother walked over. Matter-of-factly she announced that she had their carseats if I wanted them, and 8 more boxes of their belongings. [8!!?!?? We still lived in a tiny 2-bedroom apt. I didn't know where we were going to put the girls... let alone their belongings!]. I said I'd love to have the carseats. She informed me of Hollie's allergies, asthma, etc. Said Shy could throw a humdinger of a fit... and walked away. She walked away. Not a tear. Didn't look back. And she was gone.
Granted I don't know what she did when she was alone... but I think about my babies now.... and you would have to pry them out of my arms... and I'd be kicking and screaming all the way to jail probably - fighting every person who tried to take them from me.
Soon I was on the road. Me and two little helpless babies who's world had just been turned upside down. I think we always seem view the story from our side: Our world was turned upside down. My life was complicated 3-fold. My sleep was compromised. My patience was worn out. Our parenting skills were tested to the limit. But what about them!?
New world. New home. New rules. New bed. New toys (that were really not even theirs). New sibling. New smells. New sounds. New everything. New strategies. New boundaries.
Wouldn't you scream?? I think I might. Especially if I was 1 or 2 years old.
Little little Hollie May. So oblivious in many ways. We're still not sure how these moves have entirely impacted her. Ignorance is bliss, at least for now.
But o, my poor baby, Shy. What she must've gone through inside her head. Her sweet voice that could not express emotions. Her sweet heart that could not verbalize that is was breaking. That it was so very confused by the new world she had been thrust into.
Days turned into weeks and so much of her adjusted. So much. Soon I was Mommy. Soon Johnny was Daddy. Kailee and Robert received the titles of "my new Mommy, my new Daddy" (which I guess meant "old", or "previous"). Shy learned about our love, our Jesus, our protection. She learned about our rules, or boundaries, and that we meant what we said. But somewhere along the way, her emotions dragged their feet. They didn't come along. They didn't adjust quite as well. Her emotions were still reeling from insanely huge life changes.
And I think to some degree, they still are.
But o she has come such a long, long way. Before you are quick to judge her spit-fire temperament, remember. Remember where she came from. And please just love her. Just love my baby girl. There really is so much good in her. So much sweet love that she wants to give. She needs to be loved unconditionally, so that she can grow and blossom into the precious young woman God wants her to be.
My heart's cry, on this one year anniversary, is that people would take a moment, and love my girls. Look past their flaws, temperaments, and short-comings... to the sweet babies that they are... and simply love them.
Comments
Love Nonnie
Love you to pieces!! ox